The Best Medicine

There really is nothing better to soothe a troubled spirit than laughter. It truly is the best medicine. Thank goodness I have friends that have the ability to make me laugh until I cry. That is so much better than starting with the crying! Every so often, a friend of mine will email me excerpts from her online diary. Last night was just one of those occasions. The email was entitled “Isle of the Idiots”, and began, in part, with “I have somehow landed on the Isle of the Idiots and my life raft drifted away.” She stated, “Common sense is not so common”, (a thought that has crossed my mind more often than not in my 11 years of involvement with the bankruptcy practice.) She then offered to demonstrate “what it’s like to navigate LaLa Land”, and proceeded to regale me with tales of an Office Administrator who “inadvertently” cancels the entire company’s insurance while attempting to cancel that of just one employee; a landlord who doesn’t bother to cash a tenant’s checks until they have expired, and then complains about the $250.00 in penalties for doing so; a former employer who elects to pay $850.00 in owed contract wages, court fees and costs rather than cutting to the chase from the get-go and paying the balance of the contract wages of $720.00; and an employer who continues to send W-2s to former addresses, despite several notifications of the employee’s change of address over the last year and a half. Since I don’t have permission at this time to disclose further details of these hilarious examples of our country’s lack of education, I’ll have to just leave you with the knowledge that had I not been sitting at a desk, I most likely would have fallen to the floor and rolled with the laughter these stories brought. Thank you, Heather, I needed that like you wouldn’t have believed!

I have had other sources of laughter. I remember one of the reasons I am so thankful to have my daughter. She makes me laugh as well. She’s such a joy – well most of the time. Forgetting for a minute that she can be so stubborn and difficult strong-willed that she makes me MISS the Terrible Two’s, there are times when she does things so off-the-wall hysterical, that I can’t hardly stay angry at her. For example, the other night I was once again fighting with her to put her pajamas on, as it was getting close to bedtime. After repeating “put your pajamas on” for the 1500th 15th time, I was on the verge of pulling her my hair out. “Fun With Dick and Jane” was on tv. It came to the part in the movie where Dick was driving to the orientation meeting after he gets his promotion and “Smooth Operator” by Sade plays. (Couldn't find a decent clip of that scene.)

All of a sudden Sweetpea, in her princess underwear, starts dancing. But, it wasn’t just any dancing. She starts bouncing her body up and down with the beat while keeping her feet flat on the floor, swaying her hips back and forth, with one hand…well, on her butt! I FELL OVER I was laughing so hard. After that I just couldn’t be mad at her for the pajamas.

I did not really realize until lately that Sweetpea is a very literal person. I don't really know if that is because she is a child, or because she is just going to be one of those black and white people that doesn't see the grey areas. I also didn't realize how often I speak to her as if she were an adult. In an attempt to help her in the bathroom, we recently purchased some of those flushable wipes. Unfortunately, Sweetpea had a reaction and developed a rash from the wipes. The rash was bad enough that it spread nearly up to her lower back. When she complained of pain, I discovered the rash and applied Aquaphor ointment (for those new parents out there, this stuff is FANTASTIC, I highly recommend it.) Aquaphor is the consistency of very thick Vaseline, and will leave marks on clothing similar to grease stains. In an effort to protect her pajamas and sheets from the staining, I put two pairs of underwear on Sweetpea under her pajamas. When she asked why, I told her it was to keep the medicine from bleeding through and making a mess on her sheets. It didn't occur to me that she would take that statement literally. When my husband went to tell her goodnight, he came back telling me that she was thought she was actually bleeding, and that is why she had two pairs of underwear on. I went back in and tried to explain that I meant the medicine would leak through her clothes, but no matter what I said she was absolutely, utterly convinced that she was bleeding. Like I said, stubborn strong-willed. Since this is not something that scares her (thanks to the not infrequent bloody noses in the winter) I finally just gave up and told her that if she went to sleep there wouldn't be any more bleeding.

Recently, Sweetpea has also come up with a new saying. It wouldn’t be nearly so funny, except she has misunderstood the actual saying. She has been going around the house exclaiming “holy hockamoly!” Do not ask me where she got it, I don’t know. I do know neither my husband nor I use the phrase “holy guacamole”, which is where this comes from. Hmmm. I say her interpretation is much better.

She has also recently become enamored with Achmed the Dead Terrorist. For those of you who don’t know, this is a ventriloquist’s dummy. The ventriloquist’s name is Jeff Dunham, and if I ever get the chance to see him in person, I’m there! If you ask Sweetpea what Achmed says, she responds with “I kill you!” in a very high, shrill voice. She also spells his name: “A…C…Phlegm…” followed by phlegmy throat noises. Yes, I am completely aware that there are people out there that will/do think I am a terrible mother for letting my 3, almost 4, year old watch this sort of thing. I say, PLEASE. There’s more violence in the cartoons she watches. I’m not worried about a few minor swear words, or someone making fun of suicide bombers. But, in order to grasp the full gravity of the hilarity of this, you MUST see Achmed. So, today I leave you with these video clips of Achmed the Dead Terrorist, and Jeff Dunham. (Warning: these do contain a few “questionable” words, so if you are easily offended you may not want to watch. Of course, if you are THAT easily offended, you probably shouldn’t be reading my blog. They are also a little long. The first is 11 minutes, and the second is 5. Enjoy!)