Stuck

Something has happened that I never really intended on, and I don't really know what to do to fix it.  Somehow, my blog has become work.  Where did that come from??  As I've been thinking about my various projects lately, it occurred to me that I really miss writing on my blog.  It was relaxing for me - a way to vent, and even a bit of a self-discovery sort of journey.  I enjoyed it immensely.  Plus, I got to entertain a few people along the way.

So what happened?  How did I get stuck?  Why did it get to the point that I just didn't want to do it anymore?  I can make excuses all I want - "It's not that i don't want to write, it's that I just haven't had time"..."Nothing really good has happened recently, so I really haven't had much to talk about"..."I've got too many other projects in the making that have deadlines, so those will have to come first".  Now really.  I mean, come on!  I've been busier than this in the last 3+ years, and I've still managed to find the time to write.  And when have any of you ever known me to not have something to say?  I always have something I can talk about.  Always.  And yeah, I've had other projects in the making - that's true.  But in the past it's been those projects that have given me more blog material.

So what is it then?  The more I thought the more I realized.  It's just what I said.  My blog has become work.  I didn't start this to add more work to my life.  I do enough of that.  So how did it get that way?  I think I did it to myself.  I know I did it to myself.  I started putting pressure on myself to come up with something to write.  I reminded myself that I had readers, and I had a responsibility to them.  I started trying to be smart (maybe smarter than I am).  Trying to be witty.  To be funny.  To be all those things that people kept telling me they enjoyed about my writing.  To be perfect.  I started trying too hard.  I came up with all these started, but not finished, posts.  Posts that I was convinced would be wonderful entertainment and fabulous reading, and that all my readers would thoroughly enjoy.  I started each one thrilled about the ideas, telling myself I'd get back to them later.  While I did manage to do that on a few, I can't tell you how many of them are still sitting there in draft form, waiting to be written.  Hell, I can't even remember what some of them were supposed to be about.  The fact that I was suddenly writing for someone else killed my desire to write at all.   

But that's not why I started this blog.  I started it for me.  I started it as a place to catch all those thoughts that float through my head on a regular basis, and disappear if I don't do something with them; a place to write down all those thoughts that reverberate through my mind, repeating over and over, until I translate them into words just to get them out of my mind; a place to say what I feel and what I think; my place.  My place.  

And I think that's my answer.  I need to turn this back into my place.  I want this to be for me again.  I love that I have readers (though now fewer than before), and I hope they chose to stick around.  I just have to remind myself that back at the beginning, when I was writing for me, that's when my readers became my readers.  Hopefully, by doing this for me again, I'll be doing it for you, too.  That's how it is, folks.  My blog is no longer work.  It's my place again.

So everyone, welcome to my place!  Come on by, enjoy the ride! :)